When Your Child is Different
Yes, all children are individual and unique in their own way, but when your child truly is different, you know it and so do they. This word, different, can feel more like weird, when it comes to how these special kids are seen to the world. People tend to gravitate more toward familiarity than to strangeness, which can leave kids who don’t fit the mold feeling isolated and confused.
Oliver is an overly gangly 6-year-old boy who stands as high as some 4th graders. He is as skinny as he is tall, and wiry with tangled curly blonde hair that frames his freckled face. Life for him is extreme without pause; one minute there is hilarious laughter and the next minute there are wailing cries for no specific reason. He is the life of the party and he is the big mess left to clean up when the party is over. His clothes are always on backward and, when left up to him, his shoes are on the wrong feet, because he likes them that way. He wears mismatched socks and sweaters with shorts, or costumes from past Halloweens. He struts around the grocery store knowing how awesome he truly is. His muscle development is slow to adapt to his unusual height, which creates a lack of coordination and balance. And, when added to his rocket-fueled energy, this creates quite an electric presence. The doctors call it ADHD+, because both the doctors and teachers need a label for their own comfort, but we just call it, “Oliver”.
Yes, he is different. Sometimes that makes life a little difficult, but mostly it just makes it fun! See, we realized early in his life that being different could mean anything we want it to. And, in the case of Oliver, it means funny, interesting, inspiring and sometimes brilliant. No, he doesn’t fit in and, on the contrary, stands out in unexpected ways. Like last year during his class’ holiday performance. While all the children stood stoically singing, Oliver, who was positioned right next to the teacher, boogied to the music as if he were Justin Timberlake performing to a sold-out arena, all while wiping his running nose on his sleeve.
As parents, above everything else, we want our children to be happy. To us, being happy means fitting in, being rewarded, and being well behaved. We picture our children as perfect little replicas of ourselves, minus our bad habits, wounded emotions, and warped views of life. We want for them everything we didn’t have, all that we thought others did have, and anything else that is available, in hopes that they will be happy and we will be validated as human beings. So what happens when your child is the one going against the grain, rejecting the status quo, challenging authority, and purposely becoming the punch line to every elementary school joke?
You can wear yourself out apologizing for him, trying to change him and even living life for him. Or, you can accept him and marvel in the amazing, happy, gifted and comfortable human being that he is. After all, these quirky qualities that make children different now, are the same things that will help them thrive later. The free-thinkers and do-your-own-thingers will have their time to shine later on in life, as long as we don’t squash their spirit first. As we know from our own childhood, our programming took place daily. It consisted of what our parents and others thought and said about us. Our children are no exceptions to this. So, celebrate your odd ball and appreciate the gift that being different is. Think of innovators like Steve Jobs, artists like Will Smith and athletes like Michael Phelps. All are considered different, and aren’t we so glad they are? With the right support and encouragement, these creative creatures are the ones more likely to change the world rather than just survive it!
By Jackie Little