Create a New Perspective

Open any parenting book or mom blog and you’re bound to read about how we moms don’t have any time for ourselves. We’re told to “make time for you,” or “find ways to pamper yourself.” Articles are full of advice about how to balance motherhood and a personal life by scheduling a girls’ weekend or sneaking away for an afternoon at the spa.

For most of us, those luxuries ended the moment our water broke. It’s liable to depress us…or so we’re told, over and over again. We’re often portrayed as being so desperate to get away from our kids that even a night at the local pub and a glass of boxed wine sounds like a glamorous weekend in Vegas.

After reading yet another advice column about “finding balance,” I found myself caught up in what became a race to become the most over-exhausted mom on the block. I complained to anyone who would listen about how I had no time to myself, and how being a single mom was so hard. I whined about all the things I had to do every day…

And then it hit me. Wait a minute. There is nothing I have ever wanted more than to be a mother. I created these little lives and this situation, and to be honest…I love my chaotic life!

I thought my life was out of balance because time and again I kept hearing that it was. I kept trying to find that elusive “balance” by doing the things I thought I was supposed to do. This ultimately caused more stress than it was worth.

After a month or so of running around trying to fit “me” stuff into my life, I was exhausted and truly overdone. I realized that it wasn’t balance I was looking for. It was perspective.

The problem wasn’t that I didn’t have any “me time.” The problem was that I did not appreciate the time I had with my family and everyone else in my life. Spending time with my children, baking, helping with homework, and arguing over what to wear to school is what having kids is all about. Sure, it would be nice to enjoy a bath without your children coming in every two minutes to check on you, as if somehow mom having a bath equals abandonment. But that’s my life and I’m happy to say that I like it that way. I’ve found my balance because it isn’t just about the amount of time I spend on me. It isn’t about what I do with my free time. It’s about how I enjoy the time doing whatever it is I’m doing at that very moment.

Perspective is an amazing thing. When I changed mine, I made an astonishing discovery. My life was full of “me time.” I shifted from thinking that my life was out of balance to understanding that my life is busy because I created it to be that way. Now, if I want to go out with my girlfriends, I make it happen. If I want to stay home and watch Harry Potter three times in row with my kids, I do that. Either way, I find immense joy.

Finding balance isn’t about finding more time to do the things others tell me I’m missing. It’s about seeing my life, all of it, as a gift to enjoy in every moment. And from that perspective, my life is perfect just the way it is.

By Betsy Chasse