Surviving Turkey Day…Without Ruffling Feathers

It’s inevitable. You are mashing the potatoes, while simultaneously creating scenarios in your head about which family member- related by DNA or not – will send you to the brink of holiday-induced insanity. It’s a universal phenomenon. The same people, who we are grateful to have in our lives, are the ones we don’t want to break bread with. Sounds about right in all of its wrongness.

It’s the time of year we all look forward to – the turtleneck shirts, the smell of pumpkin pie, and the fireplace crackling in the background. Yet, in those private conversations we have with ourselves, there’s a plot to find the biggest rock possible, and to hide under it until we see the last of the taillights drive off into the distance.

So, let’s follow the Boy Scouts’ golden motto: be prepared. How? Good question. It’s not science, so nothing is exact. It’s sociology and, as we know, the jury is still out on the quirkiness of human development and interaction.

Appear calm. Fake it ‘til you make it.

Put a personal plan into place. You know your triggers. You know who can push your buttons. Prepare for it. Have a strategy so you don’t engage in a war of the words. Create your own time out. Whether your plan means walking over to pet the dog, taking a bathroom break or merely doing some deep breathing, plan something that will act as an anecdote to holiday destruction.

As Momma used to say, “Honey beats vinegar.”

At no time, in a tense situation, does sarcasm or passive aggressiveness ever help a bad situation. As tempting as it may be to engage in banter, don’t do it. Dilute the potency of a possible argument or uncomfortable situation with kindness or neutrality. Be sweet; be complimentary. It may seem to others as if your words came out of left field, but it’s easier to taste honey than vinegar.

Have an exit strategy.

Tell whomever you are with that you have an extra stop to make. (That seed of potential departure needs to be planted so an exit doesn’t appear abrupt.) If, at any point, it becomes too tense or overwhelming, you have your exit strategy. If need be, speak of a migraine or unsettled stomach, so when you start rubbing your temples it comes as no huge surprise. While no one condones lying on a day-to-day basis, sometimes it’s necessary in order to keep the peace and survive Thanksgiving dinner.